you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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