so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
