Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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