forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
