When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
