just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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