I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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