Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
