my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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