look no pants
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
