Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
