Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
