she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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