So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
sex in a hospital.. check
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
