There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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