haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
