i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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