Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
