i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
