please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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