bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
