So drunk its hurt
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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