Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
