Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
