i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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