Betty ford says i'm here all night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Let's get the cat blown out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
