goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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