Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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