So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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