the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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