I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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