I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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