sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
