Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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