I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
