Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
