Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
