i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
