His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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