And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Please, let me fuck your mom
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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