peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
