I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
