don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
