Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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