plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
