I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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