Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
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My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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