I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
