I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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