it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
