TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
