I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
and you fell through a lawn chair
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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