my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
