Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
