sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
