There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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