I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
