I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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