the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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