What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
