Porn is love you can see.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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