I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
