tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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