That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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