I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
