why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So much Jack, so little girl.
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