Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
