the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
