Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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