Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
