I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
