The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
