your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
