Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
